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3 Mistakes Parents Make When Setting Boundaries For Teenagers

Modified on June 8, 2021 at 5:29 PM

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The teenage years are wild. Mood swings, anger issues, academics, self-identity, and a growing understanding of the world can take a toll on most teenagers’ mental health. And with the ubiquitous social media of the modern age, teenagers are now more stressed than ever.

All of this can make handling your teenager quite a task for you. Because teenagers are naive (and curious), it’s important to set certain boundaries and rules with them. This will keep them disciplined and safe while allowing them reasonable space to explore life, and discover their interests and true identities.  

However, there are certain pitfalls that you need to avoid while setting boundaries for teenagers because they can lead to more harm than good and turn a popular parenting technique into a counterproductive, toxic strategy. Let’s discuss them now!

1. Failing to strike the right balance of empathy. 

Psychologists — like those at New Vision Psychology who offer behavioral therapy for children and adolescents — often talk about empathy and why it’s important to practice instead of sympathy. 

Empathy is your ability to relate to another person’s state of mind and feelings, and then respond appropriately. Many parents completely ignore empathy and fail to relate with their teenagers when setting boundaries.

This often leads to rules that are unrealistically harsh and may make your teenagers dislike you for being unfair. Therefore, it’s important to remember your own teenage years — which in turn will help you relate better with your kids — while setting boundaries for teenagers.

Let your kids know that you understand what they are going through because you’ve experienced the same thing in the past, and guide them through their problems with empathy.

On the other hand, some parents take empathy to the next level and relate too much with their teenagers, so much so that their kids’ problems become their own. This leads to an overprotective environment, where your teenagers might feel suffocated and deprived of privacy and freedom to explore life independently. 

What follows are harsh, rigid boundaries that can hinder your teenagers’ development. So make sure to strike the right balance of empathy when it comes to setting boundaries for teenagers!

2. Not utilizing broken boundaries to teach valuable lessons.

Part of setting boundaries for teenagers involves determining what happens when they cross it. 

Some parents melt the instant their teenagers get into trouble because of a broken rule. They make their teenager’s problem their own and do everything they can to ensure their kid remains unscathed. 

While this might seem like a natural, motherly response, it’s not the best way to deal with a broken boundary. Instead, consider allowing your children to bear the consequences of their actions. 

When your child damages the car because of overspeeding, don’t make the repairs and insurance (and whatnot) your responsibility. Instead, prepare your kid for the real world by having them deal with the mess their actions created.

Of course, you don’t have to completely abandon your child and you should be there to guide them as they maneuver through the mistake they’ve made. This has two advantages — one, your child will learn valuable real-life skills and two, they’ll learn the importance of the boundaries you set for them and what could go wrong if they cross it again.

At other times, parents react with thunder and fire when their child crosses a boundary and hand out severe punishments like long-term grounding. Harsh punishments never work, and there are many positive alternatives to long-term grounding that you can look up on the internet. 

3. Compensating for their spouse. 

Compensating for a spouse that’s either too strict or too lenient is a classic parenting scenario. Many parents feel they have to be either too tough or too lax when it comes to setting boundaries for teenagers because their spouses are being unreasonable. And this is never a good idea for a couple of reasons.

First, it leads to a power struggle between you and your spouse. Both of you want control over your kids and this creates a toxic environment and adversely affects your relationship. 

It can also lead to feelings of anxiety and distress in your teenagers as they watch their parents fight because of them, leading them to think they’re the problem with consequent feelings of guilt.

Then, compensating for your spouse puts you in a bad position — that is between your child and your spouse. Your child then fails to learn how to go about his relationship with both his parents because one of them is always doing their work for them. 

Finally, it takes away the objectiveness in your parenting method because now you’re doing things just to oppose your spouse instead of what’s best for your child, which leads to bad parenting decisions 

The best way to go about this is to have a conversation with your spouse and set parenting terms and conditions that are acceptable to both of you. 

But no one changes dramatically overnight, and until you and your spouse can figure out a good parenting strategy together to manage your teenager’s volatile years. Just make sure you continue to be a firm, consistent, and most importantly reasonable parent when setting boundaries for teenagers! 

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Posted By The Fashionable Housewife
on June 8, 2021 at 1:47 PM
Filed Under: Parenting
Tagged With: parenthood, Parenting, parenting advice, parenting talk, parenting tips, teen drivers, teenager, teenagers, Teens, troubled teens

About The Fashionable Housewife

Sarah-Jean Ballard is the Editor in Chief of The Fashionable Housewife blog and Founder of Fashionable Media. Married to a sexy Molecular Biologist, housewife, mom to 5, homeschooler, Certified Personal Nutritionist and entrepreneur who's mission is to help moms just like you look and feel GREAT! Other interests include dancing, yoga, positive intactivism, natural birth and breastfeeding support, babywearing, paleo & gluten-free cooking, and promoting an overall healthy lifestyle to all.

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Sarah-Jean Ballard

Hi! I’m Sarah-Jean. I’m a Christian, the wife of a handsome Molecular Biologist, and the homeschooling mother of 5 beautiful kids!

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𝕊𝕒𝕣𝕒𝕙 | Fashionable Homemaker & Mom of 5
Looking at pictures of my last birth makes me grie Looking at pictures of my last birth makes me grieve my baby in Heaven that I just lost a few weeks ago. 

Knowing all the firsts we won’t be getting. All the newborn snuggles, that new baby smell, the joy of breastfeeding, it’s all gone. Slipped through my fingers in a moment, for no reason. 

No one thinks it will ever happen to them. Nothing prepares you for the loss of your child and no one can fully understand and appreciate the intense level of grief and pain until it happens to you. And if you do not understand this kind of grief, consider yourself very, very blessed and fortunate. 

Sometimes being open to life, also means being open to loss. 💔

#miscarriage #miscarriagesupport #miscarriageawareness #lossmom
READ this post before you LIKE it. 💔💔💔 A READ this post before you LIKE it. 💔💔💔

A few weeks ago, we were planning to announce that baby #6 would be joining our crew in January 2023, but instead we've been processing the death of our beloved child... 

At our 20 week anatomy scan, when we were joyfully expecting to see what our little babe looked like, we were met the words that will haunt us forever - "We can't find a heartbeat."

Two days later, we found ourselves in a foreign environment, after 5 beautiful homebirths, naturally delivering our stillborn son in a hospital. 

Dylan Marinus Ballard was born on August 31st, (our first son's birthday) at 6:43pm and weighing only 7.5 oz. 

Tearfully and filled with grief beyond words, we had to say hello and goodbye at the same time. Our beautiful son. 

Seeing his face, holding his tiny body, and admiring his little toes that looked just like daddy's was just a glimpse into the miracle of life that God allows us to partake in. When you fully realize the sanctity of human life, it makes it even harder to say goodbye. Not being able to take my baby home with me was the most gut wrenching, heartbreaking pain imaginable. It is a pain unlike all others that only mothers who have lost a child can even begin to understand. 

The hardest part of losing a child, is living everyday afterwards. It's such a devastating loss, a loss so unimaginable, that you have no idea how you will get through each day or survive the grief that is in your heart. No matter what age a child is, a parent's heart is forever tied to that child and there's nothing that will break that tie, including the passing of time. That's the beauty of unconditional love. 

Our only consolation is knowing that our little saint is in the loving arms of Jesus now. We look forward to meeting him in Heaven someday.

📷 birth photography by Melissa Lee Photography

#griefjourney #griefandloss #miscarriage #miscarriageawareness #griefawareness #griefislove #itsokaynottobeokay #largefamily #largefamilymom #bigfamily #bigfamilylife #lossmom #pregnancyloss #momlife #pregnancylossawareness #stillbirth #stillborn #stillbornstillloved #stillbornawareness #babyloss #miscarriagemomma #bereavedparents #lossmoms
Some of my favorite fall eats here! 😋 What ar Some of my favorite fall eats here! 😋 

What are your favorite fall comfort foods???

#momlife #homemaker #octobervibes #feelslikefall
Need an easy solution for dinner but don’t want Need an easy solution for dinner but don’t want fast food? @wildgrainbox delivers bake-from-frozen breads, pastries, and fresh pasta right to your door!

Clean ingredients, real sourdough, artisanal pastries, hand cut fresh pasta, eco friendly shipping, and they support small bakeries! 👩🏼‍🍳

Every item is freezer to table in 25 minutes or less so you can enjoy homemade quality food, FAST. I whipped up a loaf of sourdough bread and delicious pasta with marinara sauce in under 30 minutes for me and my husband to enjoy a little date night at home. It was like going to a fancy Italian restaurant, but we go to eat in our pajamas!

We love that Wildgrain is passionate about delivering slow-fermented sourdough bread‘s, fresh pasta, and artisan pastries directly to your door and I love that they are local to me! 

WANT TO TRY IT?! The first 50 people to use my coupon code and link can get $30 off their first box PLUS free croissants in every box! 

Use coupon code FASHIONABLEWIFE to snag this deal QUICK! 💃🏼

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Introducing Caraway’s most requested products, t Introducing Caraway’s most requested products, the NEW Mini Fry Pan & Mini Sauce Pan!!! 

By popular demand, they now have miniature versions of their two best-selling À La Carte pieces, now in compact and cute sizes!! 

These are designed for cooking smaller portions and are a perfect complement to your current Caraway cookware collection. 

🥳Get 10% off the new Mini Fry Pan & Mini Sauce Pan using my link in my bio! 🥳

#momlife #homemaker #homelifestyle #kitcheninspo
What better way to welcome fall than with @caraway What better way to welcome fall than with @caraway_home latest products, the Mini Fry Pan & Mini Sauce Pan!!! 

By popular demand, they now have miniature versions of their two best-selling À La Carte pieces, now in compact & cute sizes. These are designed for cooking smaller portions and make the perfect complement to your current Caraway collection. 

Get 10% off the new Mini Fry Pan & Mini Sauce Pan using my link! 🛒

⁣LlNK is in my bio and stories! 💃🏼 Or use code FASHIONABLEWIFE-MINI22 
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Can you imagine a more beautiful thing?! I can’t Can you imagine a more beautiful thing?! I can’t! 🤣

My son is loving our @treasuresfromjennifer calendar and keeping track of the days now. He keeps telling me how many days it is until the first day of fall rather than asking me 900 times “when is it going to be fall, mama?!” 😜

Do you have a calendar or weather board in your home for your children? 

#homeschoolmom #homeschoolroom #homeschoollife #homeschoollookslikethis
Anybody else excited about apple picking season?! Anybody else excited about apple picking season?! 🍎 

When September rolls around, you’ll find us doing fun fall-themed homeschool stuff, decorating the house for fall (yes that’s a family affair!) and going apple picking!!!

What’s your favorite thing about September?! 

#septembervibes #fallinnewengland #fallvibes #applepickingseason #fallinnh #newenglandfall #newenglandlife #newhampshirefall #appleorchards
Introducing Theology of Home III: At the Sea 🌊 Introducing Theology of Home III: At the Sea 🌊 

This is the newest release in the amazing book series by @carrie.gress and @noellemering from @tan_books !! 

A must-have for homemakers, At The Sea draws from literature, mythology, and scripture to show readers the rich connections between the sea and mystery, recreation, yearning, and joyful reunions.

Within these pages you’ll find inspiration for home, womanhood, and family. Learn more about water in Scripture, Our Lady as Stella Maris, and more. This book is beautifully laid out and includes breathtaking photography that will capture your heart. 

It would make a beautiful gift or a lovely addition to your book collection. 

Use the TAN Books link in my bio to shop and use ✨coupon code RAISINGWILD-15 for 15% off!✨

#fashionablewife #fashionablehome #homemaker #homemakerlife #homedesignideas #homedecorations #theologyofhome #homeishere #domesticchurch #tradcat #bookstagram #bookshelf

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Looking at pictures of my last birth makes me grie Looking at pictures of my last birth makes me grieve my baby in Heaven that I just lost a few weeks ago. 

Knowing all the firsts we won’t be getting. All the newborn snuggles, that new baby smell, the joy of breastfeeding, it’s all gone. Slipped through my fingers in a moment, for no reason. 

No one thinks it will ever happen to them. Nothing prepares you for the loss of your child and no one can fully understand and appreciate the intense level of grief and pain until it happens to you. And if you do not understand this kind of grief, consider yourself very, very blessed and fortunate. 

Sometimes being open to life, also means being open to loss. 💔

#miscarriage #miscarriagesupport #miscarriageawareness #lossmom
READ this post before you LIKE it. 💔💔💔 A READ this post before you LIKE it. 💔💔💔

A few weeks ago, we were planning to announce that baby #6 would be joining our crew in January 2023, but instead we've been processing the death of our beloved child... 

At our 20 week anatomy scan, when we were joyfully expecting to see what our little babe looked like, we were met the words that will haunt us forever - "We can't find a heartbeat."

Two days later, we found ourselves in a foreign environment, after 5 beautiful homebirths, naturally delivering our stillborn son in a hospital. 

Dylan Marinus Ballard was born on August 31st, (our first son's birthday) at 6:43pm and weighing only 7.5 oz. 

Tearfully and filled with grief beyond words, we had to say hello and goodbye at the same time. Our beautiful son. 

Seeing his face, holding his tiny body, and admiring his little toes that looked just like daddy's was just a glimpse into the miracle of life that God allows us to partake in. When you fully realize the sanctity of human life, it makes it even harder to say goodbye. Not being able to take my baby home with me was the most gut wrenching, heartbreaking pain imaginable. It is a pain unlike all others that only mothers who have lost a child can even begin to understand. 

The hardest part of losing a child, is living everyday afterwards. It's such a devastating loss, a loss so unimaginable, that you have no idea how you will get through each day or survive the grief that is in your heart. No matter what age a child is, a parent's heart is forever tied to that child and there's nothing that will break that tie, including the passing of time. That's the beauty of unconditional love. 

Our only consolation is knowing that our little saint is in the loving arms of Jesus now. We look forward to meeting him in Heaven someday.

📷 birth photography by Melissa Lee Photography

#griefjourney #griefandloss #miscarriage #miscarriageawareness #griefawareness #griefislove #itsokaynottobeokay #largefamily #largefamilymom #bigfamily #bigfamilylife #lossmom #pregnancyloss #momlife #pregnancylossawareness #stillbirth #stillborn #stillbornstillloved #stillbornawareness #babyloss #miscarriagemomma #bereavedparents #lossmoms
Some of my favorite fall eats here! 😋 What ar Some of my favorite fall eats here! 😋 

What are your favorite fall comfort foods???

#momlife #homemaker #octobervibes #feelslikefall
Need an easy solution for dinner but don’t want Need an easy solution for dinner but don’t want fast food? @wildgrainbox delivers bake-from-frozen breads, pastries, and fresh pasta right to your door!

Clean ingredients, real sourdough, artisanal pastries, hand cut fresh pasta, eco friendly shipping, and they support small bakeries! 👩🏼‍🍳

Every item is freezer to table in 25 minutes or less so you can enjoy homemade quality food, FAST. I whipped up a loaf of sourdough bread and delicious pasta with marinara sauce in under 30 minutes for me and my husband to enjoy a little date night at home. It was like going to a fancy Italian restaurant, but we go to eat in our pajamas!

We love that Wildgrain is passionate about delivering slow-fermented sourdough bread‘s, fresh pasta, and artisan pastries directly to your door and I love that they are local to me! 

WANT TO TRY IT?! The first 50 people to use my coupon code and link can get $30 off their first box PLUS free croissants in every box! 

Use coupon code FASHIONABLEWIFE to snag this deal QUICK! 💃🏼

LlNK in bio and in stories! 🛒

#momlife #homemaker #mywildgrain #datenightideas
Introducing Caraway’s most requested products, t Introducing Caraway’s most requested products, the NEW Mini Fry Pan & Mini Sauce Pan!!! 

By popular demand, they now have miniature versions of their two best-selling À La Carte pieces, now in compact and cute sizes!! 

These are designed for cooking smaller portions and are a perfect complement to your current Caraway cookware collection. 

🥳Get 10% off the new Mini Fry Pan & Mini Sauce Pan using my link in my bio! 🥳

#momlife #homemaker #homelifestyle #kitcheninspo
What better way to welcome fall than with @caraway What better way to welcome fall than with @caraway_home latest products, the Mini Fry Pan & Mini Sauce Pan!!! 

By popular demand, they now have miniature versions of their two best-selling À La Carte pieces, now in compact & cute sizes. These are designed for cooking smaller portions and make the perfect complement to your current Caraway collection. 

Get 10% off the new Mini Fry Pan & Mini Sauce Pan using my link! 🛒

⁣LlNK is in my bio and stories! 💃🏼 Or use code FASHIONABLEWIFE-MINI22 
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
#cottageliving #decor #decoration #farmhouselove #hgtv #homedesign #interior #interiordecor #interiorstyling #kitchendesign #kitchendiner #kitcheninspo #kitchenremodel #kitchenrenovation #kitchensofinstagram #magnoliahome #modernfarmhouse #modernfarmhousestyle #neutralabodes #neutraldecor #neutralhome #neutralkitchen #neutralstyle #neutraltones #newbuild #newbuildhome #newbuildjourney #quartzworktops #shakerkitchen #whitekitchen
Can you imagine a more beautiful thing?! I can’t Can you imagine a more beautiful thing?! I can’t! 🤣

My son is loving our @treasuresfromjennifer calendar and keeping track of the days now. He keeps telling me how many days it is until the first day of fall rather than asking me 900 times “when is it going to be fall, mama?!” 😜

Do you have a calendar or weather board in your home for your children? 

#homeschoolmom #homeschoolroom #homeschoollife #homeschoollookslikethis
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