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How Better Intimacy Can Save Your Marriage

Modified on March 15, 2022 at 10:09 PM

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How Better Intimacy Can Save Your Marriage

If you’ve been married for any significant period of time, you’ll know that after a couple of years it takes work to keep the chemistry alive and thriving. Ups and downs are normal in any couple’s romantic and intimate life, but working around these problems and making your alone-time a priority is important. Some couples simply don’t know how to reintroduce spontaneity and sensuality into their intimate life, ending up bored, unfulfilled, and secretly resenting their partner for their woes. However much you might not want to hear it, all those people who told you that marriage is work were right – it takes effort, sacrifice, and dedication to make a marriage work. Here’s a guide for keeping that all-important spark alive when you’re feeling disconnected from your spouse.

Firstly, why do long-term couples struggle with intimacy? 

It’s completely normal to go through periods in your marriage where you feel disconnected from your partner. The stresses of our jobs and childcare responsibilities sometimes simply collide with our marriage, and intimacy is often the first thing dropped from a hectic schedule. When I say intimacy, I’m not just talking about the time spent between a couple in private. Intimacy is the foundation of all solid marriages and all good relationships: intimacy is the shared complicity in the life you’re building together, but intimacy can also be as simple as buying your spouse their favorite chocolate when they’re feeling down. Intimacy is about the care given to one another as you share your life, and building this notion of ‘intimacy’ is key to a solid marriage. 

How to Enhance Intimacy in Your Marriage

How Better Intimacy Can Save Your Marriage

If you want to enhance your intimacy within your marriage or relationship, you should follow some of the tips laid out below. Start small – Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was your relationship. The combination of lots of small gestures will pay off, and you and your partner can regain your intimate connection, perhaps finding it to be even stronger than before. 

Prioritize Your Time Together 

When you’ve been married and have a family together, sometimes it’s easy to blur the lines between “family time” and “married life” – while the two work together, they’re two separate entities. Just as you cannot focus all your time on your marriage, you can’t focus all your time on family life without setting aside at least one night a week to reconnect and spend time with your significant other alone. If you have children and busy schedules, try to find a sitter or a family member to help you out with childcare, so that you can enjoy a fun night with your spouse.

Have Fun Date Nights

When it comes to your alone-time with your spouse, try to do something fun and different, rather than always doing the same dinner-and-a-movie routine. Dinner and a movie is a great classic date night, but why not go see a play together? Or take a trip to the theatre? Perhaps indulge in some nostalgic fun by going bowling and grabbing fast food? There are so many fun ways to spend your time together, sometimes it’s beneficial to think outside the box.

Learn To Talk About Your Relationship

How Better Intimacy Can Save Your Marriage

Being able to have frank, honest, and open discussions about the state of your marriage (without a mediator) is important. If you can’t sit down and openly discuss problems without an argument ensuing, you might want to consider marriage counseling (which I’ll discuss further on.) But before leaping into a therapist’s office and paying money for counseling, try to discuss problems freely with your spouse. If talking leads to arguing, why not write things down and exchange? Learning to communicate will make saving a failing marriage 100 times easier.

Increase Your Intimate Time

The correlation between the satisfaction of a couple and the frequency of their physical intimacy is underrated. Often, marriage counselors will ask couples how often they are intimate together per week – not to be nosy, but because physical intimacy can be an effective metric for a relationship, especially long-term relationships and marriages.

If you’re finding that your physical intimacy has decreased, become boring, or doesn’t inspire you in the same way it used to, there are ways to change this. As I explained above, setting aside a date night for fun couples activities is a great way to add time into your schedule for some physical intimacy. While the idea of “scheduling” physical intimacy might sound awfully un-romantic, it’s better than not having it at all. Plus, you’re not “scheduling” physical intimacy, you’re scheduling a date night with your spouse – if physical intimacy follows, all the better.

Spice Up Your Intimate Time

How Better Intimacy Can Save Your Marriage

If you’ve managed to maintain physical intimacy with your partner but things have become mundane, regular, or outright boring, there are plenty of ways to add a bit of spice to the bedroom. Why not talk about exploring one another’s fantasies, or add a dimension to the intimacy with some fun, adult toys? Adult toy use is a perfectly healthy addition to any intimate life, and can vastly increase the satisfaction and fun had by both spouses during your physical time. Make sure to check online sex toy reviews before making your purchase, as you want to ensure you’re buying something useful. 

See A Marriage Counselor 

If all else fails and you want to save a failing marriage, going to marriage counseling can help. Marriage counseling is unfairly stigmatized but is frequently used by both celebrities and politicians alike to help them balance their relationships alongside their stressful professional responsibilities. Marriage counseling can help re-route your priorities as a couple, understand your spouses’ concerns (and vice versa) while allowing yourselves a safe environment to discuss your relationship with a trained mediator. Many couples cite marriage counseling for having saved and greatly improved the state of their marriage – don’t think of attending marriage counseling as a sign that your marriage has failed. Think of it as a sign that you’re both willing to go above and beyond in order to fix and improve your marriage. Good luck!

Related posts:

How To Save Your Marriage When You Feel HopelessHow To Save Your Marriage When You Feel Hopeless Keeping Your Marriage Alive and Strong After KidsKeeping Your Marriage Alive and Strong After Kids

Posted By The Fashionable Housewife
on March 15, 2022 at 10:09 PM
Filed Under: Relationships & Marriage
Tagged With: intimacy, intimate, Marriage, marriage advice, marriage counseling, marriage relationship, married couple, relationship advice, relationship advice for women, relationships

About The Fashionable Housewife

Sarah-Jean Ballard is the Editor in Chief of The Fashionable Housewife blog and Founder of Fashionable Media. Married to a sexy Molecular Biologist, housewife, mom to 5, homeschooler, Certified Personal Nutritionist and entrepreneur who's mission is to help moms just like you look and feel GREAT! Other interests include dancing, yoga, positive intactivism, natural birth and breastfeeding support, babywearing, paleo & gluten-free cooking, and promoting an overall healthy lifestyle to all.

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Sarah-Jean Ballard

Hi! I’m Sarah-Jean. I’m a Christian, the wife of a handsome Molecular Biologist, and the homeschooling mother of 5 beautiful kids!

I enjoy homesteading, reading, writing, cooking, baking, crafting, home decorating, Xtend Barre, and of course, fashion!

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𝕊𝕒𝕣𝕒𝕙 | Fashionable Homemaker & Large Family Life
You do not find a happy life. You make it. 

That’s the biggest lesson that grief has taught me. If I just wait around to be happy again, I’ll die sad. 

You don’t get through grief and come out the other side. That’s not how it works. You learn how to grow around it like a tree grows around a rock that’s in the way. You don’t wait for the rock to move. Cause it’s not gonna. 

Choose happy. And then make it happen. 

#choosehappy #joyinthejourney #griefjourney #healingfromtrauma
8 billion smiles in the world, but his is my favor 8 billion smiles in the world, but his is my favorite. 

Happy Valentine’s Day, @daeinexplains 🥰

The last 20 years with you have been my favorite years on this earth. ❤️ 

If I did anything right in my life, it was when I decided to give my heart to you.  You are my best friend, my soul mate, my better half, my rock, my everything. 

I love you.

#couplegoals #marriedlife #motherhoodthroughinstagram #weddingday #marriagegoals #yourestilltheone
Kids love helping if you just let them!💁🏼‍ Kids love helping if you just let them!💁🏼‍♀️

This little guy always asks to help when he sees me cleaning the house, washing the floors, doing laundry, or emptying the dishwasher. That’s what I love about Montessori parenting - it allows kids to do  big jobs and in turn makes them eager to help! 

He was over the moon when we gave him the @lovevery floor mop that actually works! He uses it daily now. The mopping pad is machine washable and you can refill the fluid container on it. I usually just do water and a drop of essential oils because he loves it when everything smells clean! 😜 

Definitely recommend! If you want to grab this mop for your little helper, it’s in the Storyteller Play Kit from Lovevery for 3 year olds. 

LlNK is in my bio to get FREE shipping! 💃🏼

#lovevery #loveverytoddler #loveverypartner #montessoriathome #montessoriplayroom #montessoritoddler
Stop trying to fit your square self in a round hol Stop trying to fit your square self in a round hole. 

Sometimes we outgrown relationships. Sometimes we realize someone else isn’t a good influence on our lives. Sometimes we realize we aren’t a good influence for someone else. Sometimes we need to let things go that aren’t good for us in order to grow. And that’s ok. 

Stop trying to sit at a table you are no longer welcome at. Just be yourself, focus on God, love your family and friends, and the right people will gravitate to you. ✌🏻 

#raisingsaints #momlife #motherhoodunplugged #selflovejourney #growingpains #selfcaresunday
When your toaster breaks from a power surge you ta When your toaster breaks from a power surge you take that as a sign that it’s time to upgrade! 🤪

It wasn’t hard to pick a new 4 slice toaster. As soon as I saw this one from @haden_usa I added it to my cart. I bought it from @lordandtaylor because it had the fastest shipping and I didn’t want to wait! 

No fancy electronics, screens, or extra features we don’t need. Just simple, straight forward functions and perfect results everytime. Plus it matches all my @cafeappliances too! 😂👍🏻

What do you think of this 4 slice toaster?! 

#toasters #kitchenappliances #kitchendesign #kitchendecor #whitekitchen #farmhousekitchen #farmhousestyle #whiteappliances
I’m obsessed with these leather booties from @en I’m obsessed with these leather booties from @enjoiya! 💃🏼 

The “Steffi” in green are the perfect boots for ushering in spring weather with their delicious vintage leather and worn-in look right out of the box. I love the chunky lug soles and inside zippers to get them on and off easily. 

These are the boots you’ll want to wear again and again. And again. 

Use my coupon code BALLARD20 to get 20% off your order! Find them on www.enjoiya.com

#leatherbooties #enjoiya #italianshoes #realmomstyle #momstyle #momstyletips
All the poop shoveling doesn’t seem so bad with All the poop shoveling doesn’t seem so bad with the prices of eggs right now! 🤪 🐔 🥚 

Guess it’s ok to be a crazy chicken lady and have a homestead now! 🤣

#momlife #crazychickenlady #homesteadlife
I’m addicted and I just can’t get enough 😂🫣

I’m loving my no -toxic, non-stick cookware from @caraway_home  It’s as beautiful as it is easy to cook with. And it makes my kitchen look prettier too! 💁🏼‍♀️

Want to learn more about why I’m obsessed with these pots and pans? Visit my blog and search CARAWAY! Or scroll through my feed! 🥳

#homemaker #housewifelife #homestyler #momlife
Today was my due date for Dylan. Considering he w Today was my due date for Dylan.

Considering he was my 6th child, it's possible he would have been here by now. It’s been extra hard for me this week. 

Despite my best efforts to be strong and stay positive, I am completely brokenhearted. I’m just being honest. I could pretend I’m fine, but that doesn't do me or anyone else any good to be dishonest about the pain of miscarriage or the grief that comes with losing a child. 

My heart is completely shattered from having an empty womb and an empty nursery. An empty bassinet in the corner and unused tiny newborn outfits, all washed, folded, and ready… for nothing. 

It makes me physically sick to my stomach when I think about it all and I can't even fathom how I got here. How did I get here? 

This isn't how it's supposed to be! I should be holding a newborn right now! It’s so unfair. 

In an instant, my baby was gone and there was nothing I could do to change that. 

It doesn't matter how much time passes or what else happens in life, I will always miss him. My heart with always long for my baby. 

Those who haven't experienced loss tell you that "Don’t worry! Things will get better, just focus on the positive!" but people who actually know this grief and what it actually feels like to lose a baby, won’t tell you that. They know this hard road. They understand that unfortunately you don't just “get over it.” 

The grief doesn't just go away, even if you try to ignore it, it's still there. Like the sun. You don’t have to look at it to know it’s there. You can turn your back on it but it will still warm your skin. 

The grief from losing a child is unbearable. 
It is unpredictable.
It is unforgiving.
It is relentless.
It is all-consuming.
And it completely shatters you when you don’t expect it. 

You don’t get over it. You don’t forget. You simply learn to live with it. And I’m learning to live with it every day. 

It’s been 137 days I’ve had to live without my baby. 

Lord Jesus, please… hold me extra tight tonight. 

#babyloss #babylossawareness #babylosssupport #babylosscommunity #babylosssurvivor #stillbornstillloved #stillbornawareness #stillbirth #miscarriagesupport #miscarriageawareness

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You do not find a happy life. You make it. 

That’s the biggest lesson that grief has taught me. If I just wait around to be happy again, I’ll die sad. 

You don’t get through grief and come out the other side. That’s not how it works. You learn how to grow around it like a tree grows around a rock that’s in the way. You don’t wait for the rock to move. Cause it’s not gonna. 

Choose happy. And then make it happen. 

#choosehappy #joyinthejourney #griefjourney #healingfromtrauma
8 billion smiles in the world, but his is my favor 8 billion smiles in the world, but his is my favorite. 

Happy Valentine’s Day, @daeinexplains 🥰

The last 20 years with you have been my favorite years on this earth. ❤️ 

If I did anything right in my life, it was when I decided to give my heart to you.  You are my best friend, my soul mate, my better half, my rock, my everything. 

I love you.

#couplegoals #marriedlife #motherhoodthroughinstagram #weddingday #marriagegoals #yourestilltheone
Kids love helping if you just let them!💁🏼‍ Kids love helping if you just let them!💁🏼‍♀️

This little guy always asks to help when he sees me cleaning the house, washing the floors, doing laundry, or emptying the dishwasher. That’s what I love about Montessori parenting - it allows kids to do  big jobs and in turn makes them eager to help! 

He was over the moon when we gave him the @lovevery floor mop that actually works! He uses it daily now. The mopping pad is machine washable and you can refill the fluid container on it. I usually just do water and a drop of essential oils because he loves it when everything smells clean! 😜 

Definitely recommend! If you want to grab this mop for your little helper, it’s in the Storyteller Play Kit from Lovevery for 3 year olds. 

LlNK is in my bio to get FREE shipping! 💃🏼

#lovevery #loveverytoddler #loveverypartner #montessoriathome #montessoriplayroom #montessoritoddler
Stop trying to fit your square self in a round hol Stop trying to fit your square self in a round hole. 

Sometimes we outgrown relationships. Sometimes we realize someone else isn’t a good influence on our lives. Sometimes we realize we aren’t a good influence for someone else. Sometimes we need to let things go that aren’t good for us in order to grow. And that’s ok. 

Stop trying to sit at a table you are no longer welcome at. Just be yourself, focus on God, love your family and friends, and the right people will gravitate to you. ✌🏻 

#raisingsaints #momlife #motherhoodunplugged #selflovejourney #growingpains #selfcaresunday
When your toaster breaks from a power surge you ta When your toaster breaks from a power surge you take that as a sign that it’s time to upgrade! 🤪

It wasn’t hard to pick a new 4 slice toaster. As soon as I saw this one from @haden_usa I added it to my cart. I bought it from @lordandtaylor because it had the fastest shipping and I didn’t want to wait! 

No fancy electronics, screens, or extra features we don’t need. Just simple, straight forward functions and perfect results everytime. Plus it matches all my @cafeappliances too! 😂👍🏻

What do you think of this 4 slice toaster?! 

#toasters #kitchenappliances #kitchendesign #kitchendecor #whitekitchen #farmhousekitchen #farmhousestyle #whiteappliances
I’m obsessed with these leather booties from @en I’m obsessed with these leather booties from @enjoiya! 💃🏼 

The “Steffi” in green are the perfect boots for ushering in spring weather with their delicious vintage leather and worn-in look right out of the box. I love the chunky lug soles and inside zippers to get them on and off easily. 

These are the boots you’ll want to wear again and again. And again. 

Use my coupon code BALLARD20 to get 20% off your order! Find them on www.enjoiya.com

#leatherbooties #enjoiya #italianshoes #realmomstyle #momstyle #momstyletips
All the poop shoveling doesn’t seem so bad with All the poop shoveling doesn’t seem so bad with the prices of eggs right now! 🤪 🐔 🥚 

Guess it’s ok to be a crazy chicken lady and have a homestead now! 🤣

#momlife #crazychickenlady #homesteadlife
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