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Do You Feel Like There Isn’t Enough of You To Go Around?

Modified on February 12, 2021 at 7:30 PM

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Do You Feel Like There Isn't Enough of You To Go Around?

We all have a lot of expectations to live up to. We’re supposed to keep a household running smoothly – and immaculately clean at the same time. We’re also cooks, housekeepers, household finance managers, launderers, counselors, childcare givers (and sometimes parent caregivers, too), chauffeurs, activity managers, employees or business owners…the list is endless. Somehow, we’re supposed to do all of this, look our best at all times, have perfectly behaved and well-groomed children, and never run out of coffee creamer.  

This is a delusional, entirely made-up fantasy that has no basis in real life.

It’s time to get real with ourselves before we burn out thinking we should have a stress free life without actually take steps to get there.

An Expert Weighs In

The problem of expecting too much from yourself on a consistent basis is a common one.

“In my private practice, I’ve had executives and business owners who are hugely productive,” said Justin Baksh, MS, LMHC, LPC, MCAP and Chief Clinical Officer of Foundations Wellness Center. “They expect to function on a high level each and every day. However, it’s unrealistic and burnout always comes.”

The crash always comes after running too hot for too long.

mom stressed out

Why is that? Because human beings aren’t pieces of machinery.

“Even the Energizer Bunny does eventually run out of juice at some point,” Baksh said.

Why is it Important to Aim For A Stress Free Life?

First, continuous, sustained stress levels result in a host of bad consequences for our bodies, running the gamut from headaches to heart attacks.

Second, if we don’t know how to decrease and/or cope well with our life’s stressors, we may end up turning to unhealthy behaviors for a release. We may lose our ability to control impulsive behavior, such as overeating or overspending. Unfortunately, “retail therapy” and similar behaviors tend to be just the beginning if we don’t have enough healthy ways to cope with the stress in our lives.

family of 4

“Studies have shown that chronic stress can drive you to addiction,” Baksh shared. “The more stress you face, the greater chance you have of abusing substances and becoming addicted.”

“When you are stressed, your prefrontal cortex, which typically regulates behavior, stops acting as it should. It’s no longer ‘gatekeeping,’ or causing you to think about the consequences of your actions so that you can put the brakes on as needed,” said Baksh. “Instead, you go into automatic pilot mode, and more easily act on impulse. These impulse actions will eventually result in unhealthy anger issues with everyone around you. It is a challenge to carry out your daily tasks when you have unresolved issues within yourself. It will cause resentment in the people around you. In turn, you will isolate yourself, and you can fall into depression. It would be best if you learned how to manage your emotions and anger. Seek professional help and enroll in online anger management classes to help you control your anger. It will also help you to dig deep, identify, and resolve the root cause of the stress and anger. You may also turn to illicit substances in an attempt to ‘self-medicate.’”

The good news? There is a healthier and more effective way to deal with stress.

It’s Not the Thing, It’s Our Perception of the Thing

It’s important to understand that not all stress is created equal: What is stressful to one person isn’t to another.

Someone who feels prepared and ready for a presentation or exam won’t experience much stress. Someone who feels they haven’t studied or prepared enough – or, worse, can’t recall much of what they did – will feel much more stress and pressure.

This is why merely thinking that we should be doing more than we are can cause stress.

mom on phone

The reality is that stress is a part of life. Minor stress can actually be helpful by motivating us to act in ways to create needed change in our lives or accomplish goals. Even major positive changes like getting that promotion or relocating to a better area are still sources of stress (something called eustress) because it means new or additional demands that we didn’t have to deal with before. Sometimes it’s our perspective that needs closer examination.

We need to give ourselves grace and space to have realistic expectations for ourselves in order to have a stress free life.  

The Key to Happiness

We’ve probably all heard that “we all have the same 24 hours in a day.” That’s true.

What’s also true – and much more illuminating – is that we don’t all have the same tasks and responsibilities to cram into that 24 hours.

kids playing

“Many families are dual-income and have to juggle kids, finances, debt, sports practices, birthday parties, school projects – the ‘typical life.’ In this situation, if you can get out of the house on time with three small children and not forget their lunches, this is quite an accomplishment,” Baksh shared. “Similarly, if, when you come home at night and can get everyone fed, bathed and in bed so that you have some ‘me time’ by 9 pm, you have really accomplished something in your household. You need to start viewing it that way and not beat yourself up.”

If this remotely describes your current situation, don’t compare yourself to that single, financially independent, well-dressed woman with no kids. Of course she can get more done with seeming ease…she doesn’t have the same responsibilities you do.

Instead of measuring yourself using someone else’s circumstances, you need to get to the heart of the matter. Ask yourself: What is really possible in a day for you?

You Can Still Reach Your Goals

If you adjust your expectations based on your unique situation and circumstances, you can start to feel more accomplished each day and start living a stress free life.

“First, do some soul-searching and get to know your inner critic,” explains Baksh. “You can recognize it as the nagging voice in your mind that’s constantly pointing out your shortcomings and is often the source of those comparisons with other people.” He suggests asking yourself the following questions:

  • What do I truly value?
  • What am I striving for?
  • How do I define accomplishment and fulfillment?
  • Is this realistic given my unique set of circumstances?
  • Am I holding myself to too high of a standard that I cannot achieve and/or maintain?

Goal accomplishment is still attainable, no matter how packed your day is. It just may be that you have to prioritize, tackling one thing at a time.

For example, getting out of debt by setting a monthly budget, losing weight, and renovating your house may not all happen at once (unless you want even more stress). Pick just one of those to work on first.

Once you’ve established a realistic goal (that takes your current situation into account), write it down. “Putting things on paper establishes a different commitment level,” said Baksh.

Next, tell someone what your goal is. Sharing your goal triggers yet another, higher level of accountability.

Finally, break the goal into small, specific steps, such as “walk the dog for 30 minutes twice a day,” if your goal is to increase your activity.

When you determine how you will reach your goal (for example, losing 15 pounds by exercising and cutting out sugar), assign specific timeframes to each step – say, losing 5 pounds in 30, 10 in 60, and the full 15 in 90 days.

You may need to adjust those timeframes as you get closer to those marks, for example, moving the goal completion date from 90 days to six months, but don’t judge yourself for it. Progress is progress and the most important thing is to aim for a stress free life!

“The key is to just keep moving toward your goals while keeping your inner critic in check,” Baksh said. “As you take the steps and stay on the plan, you will feel a sense of accomplishment in your life.”

Why Success Makes You Feel Great

There’s even more at stake if you continue on the path of unrealistic expectations and the resulting, constant stress: You may rob yourself of a stress free life.

“There are reward pathways in the brain that release ‘feel-good’ chemicals such as dopamine whenever we achieve a goal or accomplish a task,” said Baksh. “This is why it’s critical to create and maintain realistic expectations and goals for yourself. You are denying yourself of these chemicals…chemicals that motivate you to continue performing in life. If you can never meet your expectations, you don’t ever get that payoff.”

Don’t be a victim of out-of-control expectations.

Do yourself a favor by assessing what can be versus what others (or ourselves) think should be. Set a realistic goal for having a stress free life and work step-by-step. In just 30 days, you could be thanking yourself…and feeling on top of the world!

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Posted By The Fashionable Housewife
on February 18, 2019 at 6:54 PM
Filed Under: Health & Fitness
Tagged With: mom life, Stress, stress management, stress relief, stressed out

About The Fashionable Housewife

Sarah-Jean Ballard is the Editor in Chief of The Fashionable Housewife blog and Founder of Fashionable Media. Married to a sexy Molecular Biologist, housewife, mom to 5, homeschooler, Certified Personal Nutritionist and entrepreneur who's mission is to help moms just like you look and feel GREAT! Other interests include dancing, yoga, positive intactivism, natural birth and breastfeeding support, babywearing, paleo & gluten-free cooking, and promoting an overall healthy lifestyle to all.

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The Fashionable Housewife is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for blogs and websites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. We also participate in various other affiliate programs, and we sometimes get a commission on purchases made through our links. There is no extra cost to you! For more info, please see our Disclosure & Privacy Policy.

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Sarah-Jean Ballard

Hi! I’m Sarah-Jean. I’m a Christian, the wife of a handsome Molecular Biologist, and the homeschooling mother of 5 beautiful kids!

I enjoy homesteading, reading, writing, cooking, baking, crafting, home decorating, Xtend Barre, and of course, fashion!

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𝕊𝕒𝕣𝕒𝕙 | Fashionable Homemaker & Large Family Life
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That’s the biggest lesson that grief has taught me. If I just wait around to be happy again, I’ll die sad. 

You don’t get through grief and come out the other side. That’s not how it works. You learn how to grow around it like a tree grows around a rock that’s in the way. You don’t wait for the rock to move. Cause it’s not gonna. 

Choose happy. And then make it happen. 

#choosehappy #joyinthejourney #griefjourney #healingfromtrauma
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Happy Valentine’s Day, @daeinexplains 🥰

The last 20 years with you have been my favorite years on this earth. ❤️ 

If I did anything right in my life, it was when I decided to give my heart to you.  You are my best friend, my soul mate, my better half, my rock, my everything. 

I love you.

#couplegoals #marriedlife #motherhoodthroughinstagram #weddingday #marriagegoals #yourestilltheone
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This little guy always asks to help when he sees me cleaning the house, washing the floors, doing laundry, or emptying the dishwasher. That’s what I love about Montessori parenting - it allows kids to do  big jobs and in turn makes them eager to help! 

He was over the moon when we gave him the @lovevery floor mop that actually works! He uses it daily now. The mopping pad is machine washable and you can refill the fluid container on it. I usually just do water and a drop of essential oils because he loves it when everything smells clean! 😜 

Definitely recommend! If you want to grab this mop for your little helper, it’s in the Storyteller Play Kit from Lovevery for 3 year olds. 

LlNK is in my bio to get FREE shipping! 💃🏼

#lovevery #loveverytoddler #loveverypartner #montessoriathome #montessoriplayroom #montessoritoddler
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Sometimes we outgrown relationships. Sometimes we realize someone else isn’t a good influence on our lives. Sometimes we realize we aren’t a good influence for someone else. Sometimes we need to let things go that aren’t good for us in order to grow. And that’s ok. 

Stop trying to sit at a table you are no longer welcome at. Just be yourself, focus on God, love your family and friends, and the right people will gravitate to you. ✌🏻 

#raisingsaints #momlife #motherhoodunplugged #selflovejourney #growingpains #selfcaresunday
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No fancy electronics, screens, or extra features we don’t need. Just simple, straight forward functions and perfect results everytime. Plus it matches all my @cafeappliances too! 😂👍🏻

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The “Steffi” in green are the perfect boots for ushering in spring weather with their delicious vintage leather and worn-in look right out of the box. I love the chunky lug soles and inside zippers to get them on and off easily. 

These are the boots you’ll want to wear again and again. And again. 

Use my coupon code BALLARD20 to get 20% off your order! Find them on www.enjoiya.com

#leatherbooties #enjoiya #italianshoes #realmomstyle #momstyle #momstyletips
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Lord Jesus, please… hold me extra tight tonight. 

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You do not find a happy life. You make it. 

That’s the biggest lesson that grief has taught me. If I just wait around to be happy again, I’ll die sad. 

You don’t get through grief and come out the other side. That’s not how it works. You learn how to grow around it like a tree grows around a rock that’s in the way. You don’t wait for the rock to move. Cause it’s not gonna. 

Choose happy. And then make it happen. 

#choosehappy #joyinthejourney #griefjourney #healingfromtrauma
8 billion smiles in the world, but his is my favor 8 billion smiles in the world, but his is my favorite. 

Happy Valentine’s Day, @daeinexplains 🥰

The last 20 years with you have been my favorite years on this earth. ❤️ 

If I did anything right in my life, it was when I decided to give my heart to you.  You are my best friend, my soul mate, my better half, my rock, my everything. 

I love you.

#couplegoals #marriedlife #motherhoodthroughinstagram #weddingday #marriagegoals #yourestilltheone
Kids love helping if you just let them!💁🏼‍ Kids love helping if you just let them!💁🏼‍♀️

This little guy always asks to help when he sees me cleaning the house, washing the floors, doing laundry, or emptying the dishwasher. That’s what I love about Montessori parenting - it allows kids to do  big jobs and in turn makes them eager to help! 

He was over the moon when we gave him the @lovevery floor mop that actually works! He uses it daily now. The mopping pad is machine washable and you can refill the fluid container on it. I usually just do water and a drop of essential oils because he loves it when everything smells clean! 😜 

Definitely recommend! If you want to grab this mop for your little helper, it’s in the Storyteller Play Kit from Lovevery for 3 year olds. 

LlNK is in my bio to get FREE shipping! 💃🏼

#lovevery #loveverytoddler #loveverypartner #montessoriathome #montessoriplayroom #montessoritoddler
Stop trying to fit your square self in a round hol Stop trying to fit your square self in a round hole. 

Sometimes we outgrown relationships. Sometimes we realize someone else isn’t a good influence on our lives. Sometimes we realize we aren’t a good influence for someone else. Sometimes we need to let things go that aren’t good for us in order to grow. And that’s ok. 

Stop trying to sit at a table you are no longer welcome at. Just be yourself, focus on God, love your family and friends, and the right people will gravitate to you. ✌🏻 

#raisingsaints #momlife #motherhoodunplugged #selflovejourney #growingpains #selfcaresunday
When your toaster breaks from a power surge you ta When your toaster breaks from a power surge you take that as a sign that it’s time to upgrade! 🤪

It wasn’t hard to pick a new 4 slice toaster. As soon as I saw this one from @haden_usa I added it to my cart. I bought it from @lordandtaylor because it had the fastest shipping and I didn’t want to wait! 

No fancy electronics, screens, or extra features we don’t need. Just simple, straight forward functions and perfect results everytime. Plus it matches all my @cafeappliances too! 😂👍🏻

What do you think of this 4 slice toaster?! 

#toasters #kitchenappliances #kitchendesign #kitchendecor #whitekitchen #farmhousekitchen #farmhousestyle #whiteappliances
I’m obsessed with these leather booties from @en I’m obsessed with these leather booties from @enjoiya! 💃🏼 

The “Steffi” in green are the perfect boots for ushering in spring weather with their delicious vintage leather and worn-in look right out of the box. I love the chunky lug soles and inside zippers to get them on and off easily. 

These are the boots you’ll want to wear again and again. And again. 

Use my coupon code BALLARD20 to get 20% off your order! Find them on www.enjoiya.com

#leatherbooties #enjoiya #italianshoes #realmomstyle #momstyle #momstyletips
All the poop shoveling doesn’t seem so bad with All the poop shoveling doesn’t seem so bad with the prices of eggs right now! 🤪 🐔 🥚 

Guess it’s ok to be a crazy chicken lady and have a homestead now! 🤣

#momlife #crazychickenlady #homesteadlife
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