First comes the sadness. A deep, crushing grief that settles in your chest and refuses to leave. You’ve lost someone you love, and nothing about it feels fair.
Then comes the doubt. Whispers of what might have gone wrong. A comment from a nurse. A pause in the doctor’s explanation. Conflicting versions of what happened in those final hours. You try to push it aside, telling yourself it was just bad luck, but something doesn’t sit right.
Soon, the sadness is joined by questions. The kind that keep you awake at night. Could it have been prevented? Was someone not paying attention? Did they wait too long? Did they make a mistake?
When a medical error takes a loved one, the grief is no longer just grief. It’s tangled up with injustice. And while nothing can bring them back, there are things you can do to find out the truth and make sure their death doesn’t go unanswered.
What Is Medical Negligence?
Medical negligence happens when a healthcare professional fails to provide the standard of care that’s reasonably expected, and that failure causes harm.
But it’s also important to talk about what medical negligence is not. Every procedure, even the simplest ones, carries some level of risk.
If a doctor warns you about a potential side effect or outcome, and it happens despite proper care, that’s not negligence. It’s an unfortunate but recognized risk.
Also, if one doctor makes a decision that another wouldn’t have, but it’s still considered reasonable by medical standards, it won’t usually be judged as negligent.
The key issue is whether the mistake caused actual harm and whether it fell below the standard expected of a competent professional. Mistakes can happen in any profession, but for it to be negligence, the consequences must go beyond what’s reasonably tolerable or explainable within normal medical practice.
Negligence can happen in many ways. A missed diagnosis. A medication error. Delays in treatment. Surgery on the wrong site. Inadequate monitoring after a procedure. What matters is not just that something went wrong, but that it shouldn’t have.
What to Do
In the middle of grief, it’s hard to think clearly, but if something doesn’t feel right, don’t ignore it.
1. Request the Records
Start by asking for a full copy of your loved one’s medical records. You’re entitled to them as next of kin or executor of their estate. These records will give you a clearer picture of the treatment they received, when decisions were made, and whether anything appears unusual.
2. Speak to the Hospital or Care Provider
Ask for a meeting with the medical team or the hospital’s complaints department. In the NHS, this often means going through PALS (the Patient Advice and Liaison Service). You have the right to ask for an explanation, and under the duty of candor, healthcare providers are expected to be open and honest when things go wrong.
3. Make a Formal Complaint
If you’re not satisfied with the explanation you’ve received, or if you want to ensure your concerns are taken seriously, you can make a formal complaint. This won’t result in compensation, but it can lead to an internal investigation.
4. Seek Legal Advice
If you believe a breach of duty occurred, and especially if the error resulted in death, it may be time to speak to a solicitor who specializes in fatal medical negligence claims. Most offer a free consultation, and many take on cases using a no-win, no-fee agreement. They can tell you whether your case is likely to succeed and guide you through the process step by step.
5. Don’t Rush
There’s usually a time limit of three years from the date of death (or from when you first became aware of the possible negligence) to start a legal claim, but that doesn’t mean you have to act immediately. Take the time you need to grieve, and only move forward when you feel ready.
How to Support Your Family
When you’re a mum, grief doesn’t give you a break. You’re expected to hold it together, keep the house running, answer questions, and somehow still manage to get everyone through the day, even when your own world’s just shattered.
It’s not easy. But here’s what might help.
First, be honest, in an age-appropriate way. Children sense when something’s wrong, even if they don’t understand it. Be as open as you can. Let them ask questions. It’s okay to say “I don’t know” or “I’m sad too.” You’re not expected to have all the answers, just to be present.
Keep some kind of rhythm. Routine can be comforting, especially for little ones. Even if everything feels upside down, small things, like keeping bedtime, sharing meals, or going for walks, help children feel safe. And that structure might help you too.
Also, let them see your emotions. Crying in front of your children doesn’t make you weak. It shows them it’s okay to feel things. Just try to balance it with moments of reassurance: “Yes, I’m sad, but we’re going to be okay.”
Make space for their grief too. One child might be clingy. Another might act out. Others might seem fine, then break down weeks later. Give them the time and space they need, and don’t rush the healing.
Finally, get legal support. Depending on what happened, your solicitor may explore routes like cancer misdiagnosis claims or surgical error compensation. These are tools that can help you uncover the truth, hold the right people accountable, and bring a sense of closure to something that never should have happened.
Finding Peace
Grief doesn’t follow a script. There’s no right way to move forward. But seeking answers and standing up for what should have been done are acts of love. It’s how you honor someone who should still be here. Whatever path you choose, let it be one that gives you peace.
