Marriage. It may be the ultimate romantic goal for most of us, but itโs certainly not the end of your relationship efforts. Too often, we see this as the be all and end all. Once weโve got a ring on our fingers, we donโt have to worry anymore, right?
In truth, though, divorce rates should be enough to tell you that isnโt the case. Besides, even if your marriage continues, it isnโt going to stay strong if you stop trying. Love is one of those ever-evolving things which need care and attention. Think of your marriage as a plant. It needs light, water, and attention to flourish. And, if you donโt give it those, you and your partner will soon become unhappy.
Sadly, the reality is that many of us donโt even notice the issues. Life is busy, there are kids in the house, and frankly, you have more to worry about than your relationship. Thatโs normal, and no one said this was ever going to be easy. But, before you throw away the love youโve worked so hard for, consider the true cost of your failure to nurture it.
You forget about intimacy
One cardinal mistake for many married couples is to forget intimacy. When you were in the early days of your relationship, the chances are that you couldnโt keep your hands off each other. You remember the days? Weekends spent in bed and make out sessions on the sofa. It was like the two of you were glued together at one point.
Now, the most you exchange is the occasional pat on the hand. You just donโt have time for all that stuff anymore. And, youโre so exhausted when you get into bed that you fall straight asleep. Besides, most nights, you donโt even have the same sleep pattern anymore. Nothing in your lives seems targeted towards intimacy. And thatโs fine by you. Right now, itโs the last thing you want anyway. Thereโs too much going on!
The trouble is, intimacy is ESSENTIAL in any relationship. And, no, that doesnโt have to be mad love in the bedroom. Kissing, hugging, and general affection is the foundation of love. These are what keep you connected with your partner. And, bedroom antics sometimes donโt hurt, either.
The trouble with neglecting these areas is that youโll soon start to feel distant from each other. Your marriage may well become like living with a best friend, rather than a partner. You may love them, but youโll struggle to feel in love right now. And, in extreme cases, that can lead to miscommunication and hurt feelings. In some instances, you may even start to spot signs he is cheating. And, you donโt need us to tell you how crippling that could be to your family. But, no matter how much you love each other, a lack of intimacy can lead to desperate measures.
Which is why you need to make an effort in this area. Itโs all too easy to adopt a โcanโt be botheredโ attitude, but youโre sure to regret that down the line. You donโt have to go all out with this all the time. Merely kiss each other when you walk into the same room or cuddle up on the sofa in the evenings. These are small things which can help to keep you connected.
Despite trying this, however, if you still find that you are unable to keep the intimacy alive in part to no longer feeling the same towards your partner or discovering infidelity, then there is no point in being unhappy. You should seek out the help of an experienced divorce attorney, such as Sean Smallwood,P.A, who will work to bring you the best outcome. This will ensure that you can both move forward with your lives while protecting your children as much as possible.ย
You never get time alone
When babies come along, it isnโt unusual for a married couple to have a lot less time together. In fact, thereโs no getting around it. Your kids are going to take up the majority of your time. As such, endless days of enjoying each otherโs company become a thing of the past. Thatโs the sacrifice we make for parenthood, and boy, is it worth it.
But, thereโs no reason why time alone has to be off the cards altogether. If you never spend that quality time, youโll forget what it was you enjoyed about each otherโs company. And, thatโs not ideal for obvious reasons.
So, though your little ones should be your primary priority, itโs essential you donโt forget to leave them to the side sometimes. Donโt be afraid to book a babysitter and go on regular date nights, for example. Admittedly, you may feel some guilt if you arenโt used to leaving your baby. But, if they had the choice, they would rather go without you for one night and have parents who were in love.
No matter how difficult it is to get into this habit to begin with, youโll soon find that you look forward to this time. If it helps, build things slowly. Head out for an hour one month, then two, then three. Before long, youโll find that you can even stop watching the clock. Instead, this will be like going back to the dating days of your relationship and remember why you fell in love.
You only ever talk about the kids
Even when you do get out together, you may find that you donโt have anything to say, other than stuff about the kids. Youโve been going out for weeks now, and youโve spoken about nothing more than your childrenโs antics. This can play heavily on anyoneโs mind. Why canโt you find common ground with each other anymore?
In truth, itโs important to remember how many years youโve already spent together. Conversation is sure to run dry. Besides, neither of you care about anything more than your children. In fact, itโs likely this is all you talk about with most people. Only, that doesnโt matter as much.
But, addressing this problem is half of the battle. Next time you go out, make a rule that you canโt talk about the kids. Any time conversation drifts back, stop and start again. Itโll be difficult, and awkward, and bring this problem to the fore. But itโll also push both of you to talk about other things again. Even if you start with the weather, this is a sure step back on the right track.
