Are you trying to figure out the signs your marriage is over? Read this article to learn the top signs your marriage is over.
Have you lost the spark in your relationship? Have you tried all of the methods that you can think of to renew your marriage but to no avail?
Are you trying to decide if it’s time to call it quits? What are the signs your marriage is over for good?
You’re not alone. Between 40 and 50 percent of marriages end in divorce in the United States. Not all divorces are bad, but it’s never a fun affair.
While it’s best to try to work things out amicably and do everything possible to salvage the relationship with your former best friend, it’s not always possible. Sometimes, though, it’s hard to know what the right choice really is.
No one can know the right answer except for you, but here are a few signs that your marriage is over and the relationship might be coming to an end.
1. The Trust is Gone
Trust is a key part of any important relationship. If the trust has somehow been destroyed on either side (or worse, both) it’s incredibly difficult to repair that bond.
This doesn’t have to be because of infidelity (though it certainly can be). If one partner is a compulsive liar, even for minor white lies, the other may lose faith in their ability to tell the truth.
Before calling it quits, talk to each other about trust, and see if it can be repaired. Too often, trust issues turn into control issues. Those are even harder to smooth over.
2. Frequent Infidelity
Infidelity is remarkably common, but it doesn’t have to be a complete dealbreaker (though it may be).
If one partner has severely crossed the boundaries of the other, there might be no coming back. It’s possible to work out infidelity and reassess boundaries to get to a healthy place, but both partners have to be committed to it.
If one partner continues the infidelity after an attempt to repair the marriage, you definitely need to consider that your marriage is over.
3. Both Parties are Uninterested
If both parties are no longer interested in making the marriage work it might be a sign that the marriage is over. You can’t force the other person to cooperate with your efforts to save the marriage if they don’t want to.
This doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Leaving a marriage that neither partner wants to be in can lead to a more amicable divorce. If neither party feels wounded by the dissolution of the relationship, the divorce might be easier.
This isn’t always the case when pride and attachment get in the way, unfortunately.
4. One Party Has Given Up
If one party has given up on the relationship entirely, you can’t make them change their minds and you probably realize your marriage is in trouble.
That person might be you. If you know in your heart that you no longer have any interest in improving this marriage, it’s time to have a difficult conversation with your spouse.
If it’s your partner who has lost interest, don’t force them to stay. Control isn’t the way to have a healthy relationship. Working on your marriage in counseling is healthy, but you can’t control your partner’s thoughts or behaviors.
5. Counseling Won’t Work
When your marriage is on the rocks, talking to a marriage counselor is a great way to try to talk things out with a neutral 3rd party moderating the conversation.
This counselor might help you gain perspective or help you hash out problems that you may have felt uncomfortable working on one-on-one.
When you’ve exhausted all other avenues, and even months of counseling doesn’t work, it might be time to accept that the marriage is over and contact a divorce lawyer.
6. One Person Refuses to Work on Themself
Healthy interpersonal relationships require a healthy mindset.
When it comes to dealing with issues of mental health or trust, sometimes one partner feels defensive or resistant to making changes.
You can’t make someone change. You can encourage it, but eventually, you’ll need to let your partner reach their own conclusions.
If they refuse to do the necessary work after being given plenty of time and assistance you don’t have to stay. You’re not responsible for them.
7. You’re Happier Alone
Do you find yourself getting to work early and leaving late? Maybe you always want to go to the store alone or take long drives on the way home.
Everyone needs alone time, but if you begin to realize that you’re happier when you’re alone, or you’re actively avoiding your partner, it’s not a great sign for your marriage. Investigate this feeling.
8. Addiction Has Gotten in the Way
Alcohol addiction is a serious mental health issue and it’s capable of truly ruining a marriage.
If your partner is an addict, they need help. Trying to get them that help before you call it quits might end up being all that you need to solve your relationship problems.
You can’t make someone heal, though.
If someone is so deep into their addiction that they’re refusing help or treatment, or if they’ve become abusive, you may have to accept that the marriage is over and let them go.
This can be painful. Drugs and alcohol can make someone into a totally different person. For your safety and mental wellbeing, though, setting boundaries and detaching may be the healthiest choice.
9. Your Partner is Abusive
If your partner is actively making you or your family feel constantly bad or unsafe, you might be in an abusive relationship and it’s important to realize that your marriage is over and you need to get out of the house asap.
Not all abuse is physical (though if it is, you should end the relationship immediately). Some abuse is emotional and some is sexual.
Emotional abuse may be worked through, especially if your partner is unaware of their impact on you or the children, but if they refuse to work on their problems it’s time to leave.
10. One Party Has a Change of Heart
Sometimes things happen that no one can plan for.
When you got married, your partner was probably the light of your life. However, people change. If you married young, you might be a totally different person now as you’ve developed into adulthood. There is nothing wrong with marrying young as long as you grow together and learn how to be together as you grow and mature. However, if you don’t work on your marriage from day one, there is a chance you could grow apart the older you get.
If one partner realizes that you’re no longer compatible, whether it’s for reasons of personal beliefs, lifestyles, or potentially sexuality, it’s time to sit down and have a serious talk. Just because you are different people doesn’t mean your marriage is over, but it might be a sign that you need counseling in order to learn how to work together.
11. You’re Not Communicating
Communication is necessary for any happy and functional relationship. Your partner won’t know what you want or need (or vice versa) if you don’t find a way to tell them.
When communication is gone it’s a sign that your relationship is in hot water.
This can be a problem for counseling to fix, but if it doesn’t get solved, you might consider that the marriage is over.
12. Intimacy is Gone
In most marriages, physical intimacy is important.
This doesn’t have to be sexual intimacy. Sometimes just wanting to hold your partner’s hand or be close to them is enough.
When you no longer want to be physically intimate, even in small ways, something is amiss. Investigate the problem and consider bringing it to counseling, but it’s not a good sign for the longevity of your marriage. Not wanting to have sex with your partner doesn’t mean your marriage is over, but it is a sign that something is wrong and you need to talk about it.
13. The Relationship Isn’t Equal
Your partner should be your equal in everything.
If it’s becoming abundantly clear that they put themself above you, or hold you to different standards than the ones that they follow, it might be time to reassess your relationship.
Pay attention to things that your partner criticizes. Do they also do those things? What happens if you bring that up?
You should never feel as though you’re worth less than the person that you’re married to. You’re equals.
14. There’s Constant Negativity
You should have some enjoyable time with your partner. Ideally, you want to spend most of your time around them.
If your household is constant fighting, arguing, and nitpicking, this is probably no longer the case.
A negative household is unhealthy for you, your children, and your partner. If you can’t cut the negativity, you might have to realize that the marriage is over.
15. You’re Reading Articles Like These
Let’s face it, if you are still reading this article, you probably suspect your marriage is over and that the relationship looks like it’s on its last legs.
This isn’t necessarily the end, but if you’re feeling this way now, you need to talk to your spouse about your relationship.
You might have a salvageable marriage, but without making changes, you’re likely to run into more problems.
There Are Many Signs Your Marriage is Over
Many marriages can be fixed through counseling, open communication, and the setting or reassessment of boundaries. Unfortunately, though, this isn’t true for all of them and sometimes you just need to realize that the marriage is over.
If you notice multiple signs your marriage is over, it might be time to have an honest talk with your spouse and possibly your family too.
Don’t force yourself to stay in a marriage if you are in danger or your children are in danger. You and your children’s safety should always come first.
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