A Guide to Supporting Your Children Following a Relationship Breakdown
Supporting your children after you have separated or divorced from their parent is key. Here’s our guide to supporting your children following a relationship breakdown.
Be Compassionate and Understanding towards Your Kids
In the period shortly after their parents have separated or divorced, it’s normal that your child(ren) may feel aggrieved, emotional, and upset, particularly if they didn’t see it coming. It’s important to show compassion and understanding to your children and not be too harsh on them.
However, regardless of the emotional turmoil and uncertainty that the divorce situation has brought upon your kids, you must still enforce rules and boundaries should their behavior become unacceptable and start to cross the line. If you and your spouse were able to come to an agreement through an uncontested divorce, it may make the transition easier for your children, but boundaries are still necessary.
Provide Financial Support Throughout This Time
Your financial situation may become difficult in the early stages whilst your divorce or separation is coming through. Complicated messy divorces which drag out for a long time can be due to couples having children to contribute towards, shared marital assets and debts, shared bank account, property entanglements and so on.
To support you financially whilst the divorce proceedings are taking place and yet to be completed, the court can issue you with temporary orders. The terms considered during the settlement negotiations will deal with issues relating to parental financial support for the children such as child custody, spousal support, child support etc.
Sadly, children can be a very expensive investment, and to raise them in a safe environment, you may find yourself relying on child support funds. To help you understand more about how exactly child support after a divorce works, take a look at this guide to child support.
A judge will decide the expenses that the child support arrangement covers, however there will always be expenses that aren’t covered by the child support arrangements made in the court. And this will require co-operation and communication between you and your ex.
Dedicate Your Time to Supporting Your Kids
Showing encouragement to your kids in what they are doing is a great form of positive reinforcement to make them feel good about themselves. Showing lots of encouragement is a great way to form a strong relationship with your kids.
Although you may have a busy full-time work schedule to manage your time around, your kids may appreciate it if you can provide support and encouragement in-person. For example, your child may be grateful if you manage to get off work to go and cheer them on from the side-lines whilst they represent their high school playing in a competitive sports game. Dedicating your time to provide support your kids in-person will tell them how much they mean to you and is something that will stay with them.
Take Their Emotional Wellbeing into Account
Parents wanting to support their children after a relationship breakdown should keep up to date with their child’s emotional wellbeing and how they are feeling about the situation. Your kids should know you are always there as someone they can openly speak to. As a parent, you certainly should never overlook or disregard the importance of your kids’ emotion wellbeing and happiness. Don’t let it go over your head.
Here are a few ways you can be supporting your child’s emotional wellbeing:
- Talk, talk, talk. Try and encourage your kids to openly talk and communicate with you about anything and everything. There’s nothing more concerning for a parent than a child who is a closed book and doesn’t communicate their feelings and emotions with anyone.
- Try and suggest your child sees a professional trained therapist if the divorce is causing them a lot of personal issues. A therapist accustomed to discussing divorce and family matters may be able to supply your kids with valuable emotional support during this tricky time.
- Communicate properly with your ex so you are both able to stay in the loop when it comes to the issues your child is going through.
Show Your Support for Your Kids’ Studies and Career Ambitions
Is your child clear about the job they want to do in the future? Does your child have ambitions to pursue doing a career that involves lots of studying, years of college, and passing tough examinations? Whether it’s being a doctor, a dentist, an attorney, or whatever career it may be, you should continually be supporting your children to help them try and achieve their career ambitions.
Showing your encouragement and support for your child’s educational achievements and progress at school is important. If your kid is struggling at school and not managing to hit their grades, provide them with support and perhaps look into getting them some lessons with a private tutor if possible to try and boost their school grades. Let them know that you will always there for them, in spite of any stresses or difficulties they are experiencing at school or in college.
Show encouragement and enthusiasm for your child(ren)’s career ambitions by giving up some of your own time. For example, spend days looking around different colleges with your child to support them in the important process of making the decision on which college they should choose to go to.
In an ideal world, both parents should be supporting your children in achieving their study and career goals. Just make sure that you do your bit, and your child knows they have your support in their studies and career ambitions. Your child will have to give up a lot of their time and make sacrifices to study hard and be successful in the professional world, so they will need you to provide ongoing support. Following the breakdown of your relationship, your child may feel down, confused, disheartened, and demoralized. A great way to lift your child’s spirit will be showing all your support. Getting divorced or separated should certainly not have an adverse impact on your child’s schooling and their career path.
There are multiple different areas where your child will need support following their parent’s divorce or separation, you are their closest support network after all. Always show them that you are understanding and somebody that they can always reach out to for emotional support and life advice. Being a parent is a major responsibility, and part of your duty after your relationship with your spouse breaks down will be supporting your child and understanding their needs.