Many women worry about whether they will be up to the job of being a good mom. Will they be able to take on all the responsibility of looking after a child? Do they have the necessary skills they need to tend to their needs? Have they got the patience to listen to their children and help them develop into fully-fledged adults?
The good news is that you donโt have to be the perfect mom to bring up happy and healthy children. Celebrated psychologist D. W. Winnicott suggested that women only need to be โgood enoughโ moms. What she meant by that was that women should initially be there for their childโs every need when they are a baby, but as they grow older, moms should withdraw and allow their children to explore the world around them on their own terms. In other words, mothers do not need to be at the beck and call of their children forever, to be a good mom. They can take a step back and allow their children to experience the world for himself, unaided.
But perhaps youโre still worried that you wonโt be a good mom and will have trouble balancing home life and work life. Here are some signs that you almost certainly will.
You Have โTaken One For The Teamโ
Being a good mom is about being selfless: forgetting about yourself for long periods of time just to meet the needs of your child. You might not think you have much experience in this matter, but the chances are that you do. If youโre the type of person who has โtaken one for the team,โ then youโre probably ready to be a mother. Have you ever put yourself in danger to make sure that another person is safe? Have you done something that lost you money, just so that another person could be happy? Do you put the schedules of others ahead of your own? If you, youโre likely good mom material.
You Are Compassionate
One of the requirements to be a gestational carrier is that women are compassionate. Standards are high for choosing a surrogate mother because the health and wellbeing of the baby are paramount. But regular mothers donโt have to meet any requirements to get pregnant and have a child: theyโre expected to get on with it.
The reason these standards are interesting is that they reveal the qualities medical professionals think that mothers need to be great parents. That compassion tops the list of desirable qualities in surrogate mothers suggests that it is something that potential moms-to-be, like you, should have. If you are a compassionate person, then youโre likely well on your way to bringing up confident, successful children.
You Donโt Mind The Mess
Babies are messy creatures. Not only do they not have control over their bowels, but they also have a habit of regularly being sick. Itโs not a job that anybody wants to do, but itโs one thatโs necessary when raising a child.
If you donโt mind the mess, then you will definitely be a good mom. Youโre probably already prepared to deal with the bodily expulsions of your offspring, no matter how revolting, helping to keep their environment as clean and sanitary as possible.
You Are Secure And Love Yourself
Being a secure person doesnโt mean that you never experience fear. And being a person who loves themselves doesnโt mean that you donโt on occasion wish youโd acted differently. What it does mean, however, is that youโre not perturbed by the daily frustrations and the little things that people say to try and hurt you. Youโre bigger than that.
Showing your kids that you are secure and love yourself will help them to do the same when life gets tough. Teachers might be mean, other kids might get rough, but well-adjusted children will be able to bear these challenges without having the joy erased from their lives.
You Accept That You Canโt Control Everything
Raising children is a form of semi-controlled chaos. Kids interpret the world in a very different way to adults, and sometimes parents forget this. They will climb on things, ruin expensive electronics, and throw food around, not believing for a moment that they are doing anything disruptive.
Successful moms-to-be arenโt people who want to control everything. Itโs simply not possible when youโre looking after a young child: you never know what theyโre going to do next.
Being a good mom is accepting that things are never likely to be perfect. Your house will be a mess, but thatโs okay because raising kids is a joy.
